it’s dinner time. am I eating because I’m hungry?

resistance creeps up into my workflow and everything starts to itch. i stop. open instagram. sometimes it’s one of those days where i’ve deleted all my black hole apps. so i eat something instead. if this lines up with the ‘appropriate’ time for supper, i don’t see what it is i’m really doing.

these socially normal mood leveling behaviors // drugs prevent me from feeling anything all the way. bliss. boredom. though i'm aware that it’s going through these extremes where the genuine feeling of being alive lies. maybe a thorough observance through an episode of boredom will light up how utterly BORING it is to be bored, so snapping back out will be sweet. enthusiastic. maybe sit with the void. move on. repeat if i have to.